Instead, I agreed to teach him ancient seduction techniques in how to win the hearts of women he desires.
Even if you are not a magician, I’m sure these tips will serve you in good stead. Study and master them at your own risk.
In the lower form of animals, mating is easily settled. Female insects emit a certain smell when they are attracted to a male.
A woman, however, does not belong to the insect kingdom. So she will not permeate the air with aromatic scents to signal her feeling. But she wears perfume. Studies show that the more expensive perfume a woman wears the greater her love for the man.
So if she uses Chanel Grand Extrait, then take that as encouragement. If she wears Johnson’s Baby Cologne, don’t cry. She doesn’t have great legs, anyway.
Be Smart. Nothing puts a woman off more than a hulking guy with an empty head.
If you are not born with smart genes, don’t betray yourself. Use big words like sesquipedalianism and tergiversation to impress her.
And instead of saying, “Oh, it’s raining,” say, “We are experiencing precipitation today.”
Wax poetic. If you want to sweep a woman off her feet, pepper your language with sonnets and verses. Say, “It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.” Those words will make the girl of your dream look at you with starry eyes.
Play Prince Charming. Every woman has an ideal man. Be him. Or at least convince your girl you’re him.
If she falls for tennis players, play tennis. If she admires basketball players, play basketball. If she likes handsome men with flashy BMWs and furnished condominiums, play basketball.
A note from the sponsors. Most men show utter clumsiness in the presence of a girl. They stammer and become speechless just looking at her.
Silence can disconcert. When you run out of topics, pass to her a note that says: “The subject of the constitutional amendment reconciles the previously abrogated treaty on the proposition, whereas the inestimable spirit of the democratic process overcomes the whole of the constituents, in part of the entire elements comprising it, as against the fragmentation of the political contour. Therefore, this unequivocal stance renders the meaning lucidly clear for everyone to understand.”
This is a surefire conversation starter. One woman shown this note in 1992 hasn’t stopped talking inside her ward until now.
Dress to kill. Don’t let other people have a low regard for your person because of your clothes. When visiting your girl in her house, dress appropriately. No matter how good your intentions are, you’ll look like a pervert if you see her in your swimming trunks.
Pile up logistics. You can’t invite her to Pizza Hut unless you have a few bucks in your pocket. Earn some by taking odd jobs. And no matter what you do, don’t ask money from her father. He will go berserk if you have the gall to do that.
Remember that courtship is a numbers and action game. The more girls you meet and ask for a date, the more chances of getting the girl of your desires.
So next time when you’re at a social function, don’t just drool while you ogle at her across the room. Unstuck your butt from the chair. Approach her. Don’t lurk in the periphery of her vision or stalk her. You’re not in “I Know What You Did Last Summer” movie. You’re in the real world. For all you know, she’ll fall head over heels when you enter her life.
If nothing works…If these tips are ineffective, don’t blame me. Blame the girl’s parents for raising a seduction-proof woman.
And don’t sulk. Don’t mope. Don’t cry when a girl breaks your heart.
Find another girl instead. There are millions. You’ll run into the love of your life one of these days. Just don’t oversleep.