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I classify venues according to my nondescript standards. I don’t exactly know what I like in a certain venue. It’s just that when I’m there, I know if I like it or don’t.

climbing stair photo: stair 20071226_fd70d30ab75fa4303f8a3JVrjg.jpgFor example, there are venues difficult to access. It may be located on the eighth floor of a building that has no service elevator. My team and I are then forced to haul, drag and lift our props, by brute force, up the stairway. Arriving at the venue upstairs huffing and panting, sweating and somewhat disheveled, is not the best way to present oneself to the birthday mom and say, “I’m here! Let’s party, party!”

k9 photo: K9 LOLsomethingismissing.jpgThere are venues built like a paranoiac’s fortress. Signs are everywhere that the owners are expecting an ISIS attack. The walls bristle with CCTV cameras; the yard crawls with security guards armed to their wisdom teeth; and K9 sniffing dogs greet you by baring their fangs. With their premises built like a stronghold, I’m surprised they have forgotten to dig foxholes. I really would have been thrilled to see foxholes in person, because I just read about them in comics books.

There are venues who employ security guards who have forgotten to grow brains. They implement everything in their handbook to the letter–and to the commas, periods, consonants and vowel movements. The handbook says that everyone trying to access the premises is required to list down everything in his possession. Nice one, huh? Not to me. Since I carry a deck of cards, I am asked to list down the Jack of Hearts, the Nine of Diamonds, the Six of Clubs—the whole caboodle of 52 cards in the deck, plus the two jokers.

There are venues with conking-out airconditioners. The janitor then switches on the backup electric fans, which promptly conk out also.

There are venues built facing the sun, so at 3 pm to 5 pm, the sunlight enters the party room and blinds everybody. When the birthday dad plays the video of his son growing up (complete with beautiful music), all the guests can see is a washed out screen showing ghosts cavorting around.

There are venues with vaulted ceiling so high the acoustics are so bad I can actually carry on a conversation with my voice’s echo.

Oh well, I have just listed the venues I am not fond of. I console with the fact that they are few and far between. The venues that I find appealing and have luxuriated in far outnumber the venues that peeve me.

In a future post, I’ll mention the venues that have given me positive experiences.

Stay magical,