Come Up with Your Own Funny Magic Words

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 photo 4ae8d440-e3af-40e1-a417-94c0e2bcc5be_zps9grzobyf.jpgTo get extra laughs, or at least elicit smiles from the audience, stop using hocus pocus or abracadabra as magic words.  They are well worn-out and awfully not funny.

Here are tips to create your own funny magic words—the emphasis is on funny.

Say something funny. Duh. Example: one funny magician I saw said, “Let me recite the magic word I learned from the church. Bingo!”

Just make sure you are not performing at a bishops’ convention. I doubt they will find that magic word funny.

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Performing for Sick Children

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tears in eye photo: Tears BlueEye-Tear.jpgMany of my friends may have noticed it already. I rarely attend charity shows when the audience comprises terminally ill children.

Contrary to rumors, I am a human being.

I have emotions to handle. The tear ducts in my eyes shed tears.

I have had bookers asked me to do shows for cancer-stricken children. Performing for sick kids has opened my eyes to an awful truth: I suck at emotion management.

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Clichés in Magic Performances

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 photo 6032dd2c-40d4-4553-aa6a-08da75972656_zpsqz97axh8.jpgComing up with a sparkling patter to go with a magic performance is difficult. That explains why many stage magicians would rather perform in pantomime.

Those daring to present a talking performance usually opt for the easy way. They use a generous amount of clichés in their scripts.

Clichés are expressions that have lost the power to touch the emotion due to years of overuse.

I’ve listed a few below. I hate them because I once made them parts of my show. But one day I had an epiphany. I realized I’ve grown tired of them.

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When Brats Act Up

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helloA great challenge when performing children’s magic is the bratty kids in the audience.

I once went to a party of a rich kid and wanted to be friendly. “Hello, what’s your name?” I greeted the birthday kid. He said, “I’m Harvey and you are STUPID.”

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How to Shut Up the Noisy Kids?

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shutupDear Leodini,

Yesterday I performed magic at a boy’s seventh birthday party. I kept forgetting my script and the flow of my tricks, because the kids were super noisy. They were chattering non-stop. They kept claiming they had seen my tricks before.  They shouted the methods of the tricks.

Help me please.  Is there a kid-friendly way to say “shut up” while I’m performing?

Sincerely,

Mr. Deaf

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Three Types of Talk Children Use When Watching a Magic Show

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childrentalking2I’ve heard magicians complain that children talk among themselves during a magic show.

What does this mean? my magician friends ask.

I don’t know what that means. I was not there, so I didn’t hear the words the children used.

If the children talked in French, I wouldn’t know either. Even though I speak 10 foreign languages perfectly, seven of those languages I don’t understand.

French is one of the seven I don’t understand.

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Love Guru Leodini Teaches Seduction Techniques

magic tricks with girls photo: Online learn magic tricks lerengoochelen_zpsf2640698.jpgYesterday, I advised letter-writer Boy Lothario against using magic tricks to pick up girls.

Instead, I agreed to teach him ancient seduction techniques in how to win the hearts of women he desires.

Even if you are not a magician, I’m sure these tips will serve you in good stead. Study and master them at your own risk.

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What Are the Best Magic Tricks to Do to Pick Up Girls?

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 photo 9a8697a2-a7b9-4dc7-92fd-666776d3885d_zpsksa4o4ds.jpgDear Sir Leodini, I heard you are a secret Casanova, so let me ask you a question about picking up girls.

I am a 28-year-old employee working in an IT office. I study magic to meet and impress girls. I’ve grown a beard like you, so I’d look like an authentic magician. 

I frequent bars and nightclubs. I perform the Ambitious Card routine to whoever is interested in watching. But chicks are often unimpressed with my magic. Can you recommend the best magic tricks to perform, so I can pick up girls easily?

Sincerely,

Boy Lothario

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Hi Boy Lothario,

You are only 28-years old and you already have defective ears. You are hearing wrong things.

I’m not a Casanova, secret, open or whatever.

I am a magician in the Philippines with the gift of seduction. Hundreds of years ago, ancient prophets prophesied about me.

ancient scrolls photo: Ancient Scrolls ANCIENTSCROLLdark.gifIn the ancient manuscript The End of Days Before the Apocalypse, Chapter 58 verses 16 through 19, the prophet Sed Uction of Timbuktu writes: “Lo and behold, get down on your knees, for on the seventh sabbath of the season of durians, a magical love doctor will rise from the east and teach all ye people the art of love and attraction, spreading passion and pleasure, so that ye shall be forgiven of herpes and spared from Zika virus.”

The prophet Sed Uction is referring to me as the love guru of the pre-Apocalyptic times.

Let me give you the first lesson. Never use magic tricks to pick up girls.

Most girls don’t like magic tricks, especially card tricks. Unless you card has words like Visa or Mastercard on it, forget about performing card tricks to girls.

It’s not important to grow a beard. Grow a brain instead. That way you will understand that magic is entertainment.

Magic is not a seduction technique.

Perform magic to entertain your audience. If girls melt after seeing your magic tricks, consider that as a bonus.

But don’t make that the goal of your show. It’s goal is to entertain the audience, not find girls to go.

I suspect you have a one-gigabyte brain and a 250-gigabyte reproductive organ. You may find the lessons I teach difficult to digest.

 photo 75b36839-b4bc-42cf-8fcb-f2c59ae35dc2_zpsgme0dvt5.jpgBut let me try. Come back tomorrow. I’ll let you in on the secret techniques of how to get the woman of your wet dreams without leaving you stranded in your wet dreams.

Stay magical,

Leodini

www.sirleodini.com

The Long and Winding Magic

long and winding road photo: The Long and Winding Road IMG_9322-1.jpgI have seen magicians who keep performing from sunset to sunrise. They are like the Energizer battery. They keep going and going…They seem to trudge on a long, winding road.

I have been in a production cast of a magic show that ran for three hours. I have even been in a five-and-half hour show.

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The Magic Lesson Secretly Written in A Beattle Song

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 photo 0a180ed1-5182-4583-8890-bb1aa54f2fc9_zpstchummqm.jpgI always evade questions that will date me.

For example, when someone asks me for my birthday, I answer, “March 9.”

If the one questioning is a pain-in-the-ass type and pursues the topic with a follow-up question, “What year?”, he gets a smart aleck answer, “Every year.”

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